After naively thinking that the vast majority of people in Australia aren’t as racist as India say we are, I’ve been dealt a slap in the face.
Or, rather, my housemate was dealt a punch in the face by two men trying to mug him.
He only got away with a punch because when they asked him if he was Indian he said “No, I hate Indians!”
Society is sick sometimes.
So the second I post a video laughing at wogs going crazy in a lift, Born-Again Evangelistic Christian Housemate starts caterwauling loudly, a cappella, to the tune of some hymn.
I am going insane.
NB: I think he heard me laughing. He’s stopped.
See, sometimes good things happen to bad people.
You should be careful, I can blow you up any time.
—
My Muslim housemate after the born again Christian housemate called him a terrorist.
Good thing no one takes the Christian seriously or we’d probably have a house civil war.
International politics should be more like us.
NB: Just realised that international politics IS just like us. North Korea. Duh.
You know what I’d do in that situation?
I’d yell back, “NO YOU’RE WRONG!!!”
Then proceed to throw a pie in his face.
“Where’s your God now, huh?”
Alright, I’ll admit that’s taking it a bit far. But up to the point where you throw the pie. I think that’s a good idea.
— Dani, on how to deal with my proselytising housemate. Definitely going with this suggestion.
I hadn’t been home for a couple of days, so I thought I’d catch up with my housemates.
Housemate: “I got baptised today.”
Me: “Oh… really?”
Housemate: “Yeah.”
Me: “Which religion?”
Housemate: “Christian.”
Me: “Oh. Ok. What sort of Christian?”
Housemate: “Er… I can’t remember.”
Awkward pause.
Housemate: “Something of God.”
Me: “… right.”
Housemate: “Have you been baptised?”
Me: “Yes. I’m technically Catholic.”
Housemate: “Ohhh. Catholic is bad. You worship idols.”
Me: “We do not! I mean they do not!”
Housemate: “Yes they do. When were you baptised?”
Me: “When I was a baby.”
Housemate: “Noo, not enough. You have to be baptised again.”
Me: “What?!”
Housemate: “Not enough! You have to be born again!”
My eyes widened with horror as I realised I was an agnostic living with a Sikh, a Hindu, a Muslim and an ex-Hindu born again evangelical Christian.
Who has been spending his school holidays proselytising at Preston Market, only to come home and try the same thing on his housemates.
Noooo!
Later he apologised. And ended the apology with “God bless you.”
I want to stab things.
Guy: OK, sweetheart.
Girl: … Did you just call me sweetheart?
Guy: Yeah! Of course! Seriously, if you were my girlfriend, I wouldn’t be trying to kiss you - you’d be my cute little cuddly-wuddly—
Girl: *horrorstruck*
Guy: —that’s why the men don’t hit on you in pubs.
