Formstack Submission for form Tell me a story. at 06/09/10 2:57 PM ———————————————————————————————————-

Who are you?: “Lt. Colonel” - Hannibal Stone

Anything.:

[Cat walks into the room, observes Shannon sitting at Jess’ desk]

Cat: “Oh! Shannons up here!”

Shannon: “No, I’m ‘New Jess’, more attractive [uses index finger to part fringe then raises eyebrows seductively] more, efficient.”

[Cat proceeds to walk on by towards the more logical, sensible and generally more normal office workers. -Kyle & Bo. *Cue disagreement laughter.*]

Sorry its not original but I figured this the fastest way to tell you the lovely non-Jess times we are having here. As you can see, we all think you should hurry the hell up with uni and come back! Peace. ———————————————————————————————————-

I would have KILLED to have seen Shannon being seductive! Ahaha. I’m only coming back if you all reinact that scene for me. Cat’s a director, right?

I am having such a good day.

Awesome people.

Formstack Submission for form Tell me a story. at 06/02/10 3:00 PM ———————————————————————————————————-

Anything.: lol, my mum had a cat named Ziggy! I’m soo glad i got Tumblr for i was able to get to know you more and find out how AWESOME you are! p.s. i’ve got so hooked to tea, i have 2 cups a day from what was 2 a week… we should go for high tea one day!

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Yes! … Except I’d have to know who you are first. :P

Beque’s mum would be likely to have a cat named Ziggy. Do I win?!

Poor Cecil.

Formstack Submission for form Tell me a story. at 05/10/10 1:49 PM

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Anything.: Once upon a time, there lived a fish. A Catfish to be precise. He was a troublesome little fellow, always eating the smaller fish that swam past his home hole. This constant pestering and consuming of other sea life resulted in Cecil (the fish name of the century) never having any buddies to chill with.

It was at this point that Neptune, the great god of the seas decided it was time that this fish be taught a serious lesson in friendship dynamics. One that Cecil would forget instantly due to it ending his existence in the most horrid way possible.

So, Cecil was under his tree in the Deep South one day, charging out and in of his hollowed out tree trunk (under water) snagging his meals when all of a sudden… A massive manly hand reached in started to feel around! Instinctively Cecil immediately leaps for the kill, not aware that this was the hand of a true fish menace.

Now completely attached to the index finger of the hand, Cecil tried his very hardest to drag it into his hole. However after his first attempt at pulling he was completely exhausted and before he knew it was out of the water and thrust into the sunlight, being totally blinded.

Afraid and very heated, all poor Cecil could do was hold on for dear life, but not even the mighty grip of the areas most fearsome fish could halt the power of Bear Grylls powerful teeth as they bit into Cecil’s spinal cord. Neptune laughed, Cecil screamed in agony and Bear got a nice meal. The end.

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This is great! Poor, poor Cecil. Still, if you’re going to be eaten by anyone, pretty sure Bear Grylls would be my first choice…

This story must contain: a) a bicycle b) a thinly veiled reference to a person I know and c) a tragedy

Formstack Submission for form Tell me a story. at 05/01/10 1:30 PM

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Anything.:
Contrary to the nature of his invention, life was not easy for Lorenzo Marcioni and the world’s first bicycle.

His feet, blistered under the 13th Century Mediterranian sun, hardly touched the ground. They felt the cool breeze rush by,
and those limbs that had laboured so long
no longer toiled.
However the pressure he formerly put on the ground
now weighed upon his mind.

“Velocipede! Velocipede!” he cried
hoarse
as he rolled through the provinces.
Whispers and eyes followed him, not praise.
Backs bent back to their hard work,
coins stayed in pockets.

Iron that could have been made into pitchforks,
lathes, hoes, scythes,
were here put on two wheels
to propel a man nowhere.
this is what they said.

What else could Lorenzo do?
A man addicted to speed,
regulated by a cool breeze,
preferring to watch the world as a blur,
than in clear focus.

As the bicycle moved through Belluno,
he spied a whirling girl,
Beque,
thinly veiled in deep burgundy muslin.

He slammed his foot back to the ground,
digging his feet firmly,
into the mud.

He moved closer to her.
She whirled as she danced,
blowing a cool breeze on his face
- hinted with perfume.

She stopped to stare.
Here eyes were icicles.
Chilled his heart, and formed
a soothing poultice for his careworn mind.

They married.
They were hungry.
They were poor.
They looked at each other.
They whirled and sped.
They melted down the bicycle to make pitchforks,
lathes, hoes, scythes.
They bent their backs to their hard work.

-Tom

*Facepalm* at Beque being literally “thinly veiled”. Such cheating! But I love it. Thank you. :)

Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Formstack Submission for form Tell me a story. at 04/28/10 12:28 PM

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Anything.: “Hey Ingrid! Check this out how cool is this! HEY! Ingrid! Ingrid! INGRIIIID! Hellooooo? Hello? Hey Ingird!”

Little Timmy kept calling his friend but she refused to acknowledge him. So Little Timmy decided to go ahead and explain how awesome his awesome thing was that he was awesomely attempting to show her.

“Ingrid! Check it! Is this not the coolest piece of angelic cotton and chocolate combination you have ever seen in your life!?”

Ingrid got up of her chair, tossed her nose to the side and walked towards the door, however before she reached the exit, away from this den of horrors, she spurted the word…

“Whatever.”

On her way down the stairs many have pondered as to what her facial expression would have been. Would she have smiled? Frowned? None will ever know.


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I happen to know that she smiled. :)

Work-Kyle strikes again (my, we are bored)

Formstack Submission for form Tell me a story. at 04/16/10 2:57 PM

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Anything.: “Not the usual splitter gager you hear on the wireless?” said Kurstain, the boy with the childhood scars. “No, definately not, splitter gager is usually on from 3:44 till 3:49, its president Poppycornz fault. Damned lollygagers making my scuffy shoes look bad.” responded Ingrid, the deity of Kreethonieece. “Tell me about it, I so hate it when the gager lolly splitters take my popcorn!” - ? What ?

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I know it’s you, Work-Kyle.

Formstack Submission for form Tell me a story. at 03/30/10 2:31 PM ———————————————————————————————————-

Anything.: Deciding that it was far to horrible to throw chili sauce at the bow haired maiden, Jimotheson LeToaster The 9th Jackal of the Fury Stone Opal Court from Zigorklog 24A9M in the Jadson Verondincular Cluster instead got himself a packet of crisps and played hacky sack, thanking the queen ant goddess he would not have to deal with the upside down Locksmith this evening. Due to chives. Chives and Guava bits.

Heh. You’re just jealous that I liked the unicorn story so much.

More stories! More! More!

 Formstack Submission for form Tell me a story. at 03/29/10 2:16 PM

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Anything.: Once upon a time there was a Unicorn. You’d think that being a mythical creature would impact upon his life somehow, but it really didn’t. He did everything regular people do. He went to school, got a job in marketing, started selling trainers to teenagers through sexy billboards, that kind of thing. He found it strange that no one would acknowledge the fact that he was a unicorn. To be honest, it really stood out. I mean, when a new person at the office was being given the tour, they didn’t even look twice when one of the cubicles had been turned into a stable. He didn’t even know how he got the job in the first place, seeing as he can’t hold a pen. One night, over a reasonably priced bottle of New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc with his long term girlfriend Anna, he gave voice to these niggles. As he spoke, he got more animated. It seemed like the more he talked about the bizare normalcy of his life, the more the slight insecurities became crippling doubts. He started !
stamping his hoofs when he spoke, and tossing his head to snort. Anna didn’t really know what to do. She tried giving him sugar cubes, but he said they really didn’t go well with the wine. She could tell that this was a long winded way of breaking up with her, so she sat there with her head down, feeling like her skull was full of tears. The Unicorn could see he was hurting her, but he realised that what he needed, what he really really needed, was to be weird. Be a freak.

So he found a nice blokey clysdale who was grappling with homosexuality, changed his name to Jesus and moved to california. The End.

OK, whoever wrote this knows me scarily well. Possibly unknowingly.

I love stories. :)

Boredom at work equates to extreme randomness when I tell him to tell me a story.

Once upon a time there was a tall, handsome prince, wandering through the forest, as you do, this was during the Renaissance… There was a wolf in the forest and the Prince is like “Shit, shit, there’s a wolf in the forest”, cos it’s staring at him, so he gets out his mobile phone, and he calls up his mother, speed dial 3, cos his mum’s on 3, girlfriend’s on 2, king’s on 1, cos he has to be, he’s the king, by law he has to be speed dial 1… and he’s like “yo yo mum, I’m about to be eaten by a wolf, tell the family that I love them, and such, as usual, just in case I do get eaten, because I’m not sure I will get eaten,” and his Mum’s like “Be careful” and such, then he draws his sword, cos he’s got a sword, cos they always have swords, and screams to the wolf “I am Prince the Chowder the Third! State your intention!”

And the wolf says “Sorry, don’t mind me, I’m just passing through, I have no intention to eat you, if that’s what you fear, dear prince…”
So he puts his sword away

But then he has a sneaky grin and pounces on him, leaps for the prince’s jugular, and there’s this big slow motion scene—

“It’s not a screenplay! It’s a story!”

And just as the wolf is mid-leap, going for the jugular, an earthquake starts, with the shaking of the earth and quaking and such, makes the prince lean back to the left, Kennedy style, being disoriented and shit, so the wolf misses the target and goes hovering past, headfirst into a tree and the prince who’s now on his back, and getting back up the wolf is slightly unconscious - or maybe not slightly unconscious, fully unconscious - and the prince starts monologuing about how awesome he is - the earthquake’s over now - and just as he thinks he’s won the day a KOMODO DRAGON falls from the same tree the wolf was against, and landed directly on top of the wolf smothering it, and the prince is a little bit shocked, so he calls his mummy and states what he’s seen, because it’s all very exciting, and maybe she should come check it out cos there’s these two unconscious animals, and his mother replies “Why are you walking in the forest anyway? It doesn’t make any sense” and then giant bird-eating SPIDER comes down, swoops the phone away—

“I like how the bird eating spider swoops. I guess you are what you eat.”

But the Prince merely remarks “I guess you are what you eat” (the prince is the wittiest prince in the west… east… north… wherever this place is… I guess we’ll call it Farfella.)

The bird eating spider swoops the phone away and full on eats it (cos it’s a Nokia N95, it’s not that big) and goes “It’s tasty.”

“AHA!” says the prince. “You also can talk. This section of the forest is somewhat mystical. Care to explain before my untimely death?”

“Well.” says the bird eating spider. “Y’see. It’s all… to do… with…” and the spider runs away before it has to explain.

THE END.

Courtesy of Work-Kyle

It was possibly mean of me to type exactly what he said.

Formspring Highlights.

“I walked one day
round the old oak tree
suddenly, it turned my way
and said to me, it said:
“ohhhhhhhhhhhh
many days have I laboured
growing and growing

I have felt the sun
warming and feeding my bones
I have felt the cool wind
moving me
I have felt the rumbles in the earth
tickling”

And I couldn’t reply
because a TREE had just talked to me
and I was afraid.
Because it was so amazing,
and I had nothing to say.

And all I could think of was:
“this will make a really good story
for my blog.” “
- stvitussdance

Awesomest and truest first message ever. :)

“I find it funny when people try to sound intelligent but come across pretentious in employing the word ‘sans’ too often and incorrectly.”

I find it funny that this person reads my blog compulsively. Funny and sad.

“i wish we were friends irl.”

Me too.